Releasing My Obligations

Put your energy towards positive people

“Every time you say ‘yes’ to someone who doesn’t deserve you, you’re saying ‘no’ to someone who does. “

 

Recently I read this statement in a blog article.  It seems as if someone has been able to sum up my entire life in one sentence.  You see, most of my life had been spent giving to other people.  I truly love to see other people happy, and I enjoy being generous.  But with that generosity came no boundaries.  In fact, I suck at setting boundaries. 

 

I grew up surrounded by lots of family.  And in that, boundaries were very scarce. Both of my parents had a hard life growing up.  Times were tough, and to survive they had to share almost everything that they owned with their siblings.  Therefore, it was an unspoken rule in my home that if family needed something, you had to help them.  Because of growing up in this way, I felt guilty for saying “No”.   And when I objected, my parents would insist that I needed to share or help that person because they were family.  

 

Now, there is nothing wrong with helping your family.  But in helping them, I was completely out of balance.  I would go above and beyond what other people would normally do to help others.  I thought I was doing the right thing.  But often, I would feel resentful and used afterwards.  My family loyalty was only on my side.  They did not feel the same towards me.  After a lot of hurt feelings on my behalf, I finally got truly and completely honest with myself.  I had to own up to the fact that my loyalty was misguided.  And, if I felt used, it was only because I had allowed myself to be used. 

 

It is not easy for me to admit, but I was continually seeking love and approval from people who only cared enough to contact me when they needed a favor.  Most of my efforts were never appreciated.  Because of this, I had to make some hard decisions.  I had to decide that I needed to let people go.  I wish them well, but I am giving myself permission to release the obligations that I feel towards them just because I am related to them.  I am now allowing myself to no longer feel guilty for saying “No”. 

 

Through this process, I have learned a few things.  I have learned that someone can only make me feel bad if I allow them to.  I have learned that I am only responsible for me.  And it is not my job or duty to help others.  It is my choice.  I have learned that just because you are related to someone, it does not mean you owe them anything.   I have learned that to be a whole and healthy person, I need people in my life that are there to be supportive.  I have also learned that if being around someone does not make me feel good, then I need to choose to spend my time around people who do.  But maybe my most important lesson throughout all of this is that I have learned that I can love people from a distance.  And, I can do so without feeling guilty.  I can wish people well, truly mean it, and move on with my life.   

 

Do not harbor negative energy in your life.  It does not serve you to do so. It is not healthy to have people in your life that only remind you of your faults and mistakes.  And, there is no benefit to allowing guilt to obligate you to do things that make you feel miserable.  Today, allow yourself to release the guilt you feel about people in your life who are draining your time, energy, and resources.  Give yourself permission to live your life without feeling as if you owe someone something just because you share the same DNA.  You deserve to be free.  You deserve to live without guilt and sadness.  Life is far too short to waste on people and things that don’t make you happy.