Your involvement with others is conditional, not your love

True love involves setting true boundaries

 

Your involvement with others is conditional, not your love. I read this today in the midst of my own journey of self-healing and discovery. For most of my life, I have been a fixer. A person who people come to in times of need. I am no better than anyone else, or smarter, or more capable, but I somehow seem to be a person that people rely on. For a long time, I allowed this to overwhelm me, but I chose to do it anyway. I thought that I was supposed to help others. I was taught that was the “Christian” thing to do. But is it really?

 

Jesus commanded us to love others. Not to get involved with every problem they have or every aspect of their lives. Yet I did this thinking I was “helping” them. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was being a good Christian girl. But in reality, I was being a crutch. I was supporting someone, but not in a healthy way. The truth is, my own need to be needed was what was really behind my help.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I truly do enjoy helping others. Ii is in my nature and part of my personality. But, I did not have boundaries with this help. I was coming from a place inside of me that was trying to fulfill my own needs and insecurities. I thought I was loving them. And, I did. But loving someone does not mean you need to fix their life. Only they can achieve that.

 

To love is to allow freedom. Freedom to allow another person to make decisions and choices that they must live with the results of. No matter what it is. When we try to help someone so much that we become someone’s crutch, we are not really helping them. We are too involved. You can love unconditionally from afar if necessary.

 

True love knows no boundaries. But involvement in someone else’s problems should. You can love, without trying to be a “fixer”. You can love, without being involved in someone else’s drama. And, you can love, without becoming a crutch.

 

My advice to you is to examine your relationships with others. Ask yourself, “Am I too involved with this person’s problems?”. If so, think about what is lacking in your own life that makes you want to be a crutch for them. It is not healthy. For them, or for you. Love is the greatest thing there is. But true love comes with allowing someone else to be free. Love others unconditionally. But also love yourself enough to allow healthy relationships in your life.  Allow healthy boundaries. In doing this, you allow freedom for those you care about, but more importantly, you are allowing yourself to be free.